Tucker Beathard’s 22-year-old brother Clayton and his friend Paul Trapeni III were stabbed to death following a bar fight in Nashville last month, and now Tucker has broken his silence for the first time since losing his brother.

“On December 21st God sure did get a good one,” Tucker shared on Instagram. “Anyone who knows Clay knew what kind of light he naturally was in any situation no matter what the circumstances.”

Tucker added, “As heartbreaking and hard this experience has been, it has also pushed me and my family to a whole new level of faith and what it means to trust God and what his plan is,” noting, “Clay, I love you and I can’t wait to see you again, and I like to think you looked up to me being your older brother, but the truth is, it’s you who I look up to you…”

Michael Mosley was arrested in connection with Clayton and Paul’s death, and now Mosley is claiming he acted in self-defense and feels bad about what happened. “He is truly remorseful and regretful and sorry that this happened to every family that’s involved here,” his lawyer Justin Johnson tells the Tennessean, “but he wants everyone to wait to see the evidence as it comes out.”